Abandoning by the Abandoned
Why
do I feel like I’m abandoning
I had nothing to do with the death
Yet
I accept full responsibility
one day
things were fine
Alive
now
a few days later
they’re not fine
Nor alive
It lay there
in the cooling sun of late summer
Stiff
even with the flies
which makes me twitch for it
I swat them away
No rise
in the belly
No rise
in the chest
dead stare
But really
Dead
It was my responsibility
I think this way
I wonder if
The one
who abandoned me
Felt this way
The moment I think the thought
I doubt that they did
Just as repeating patterns can be horrific
so can the opposite outcome be
I guess maybe my abandoner
had already abandoned themself
Left
Too much
Responsibility felt for those who
Died
In their care
even though it was
not their fault
False sense of care
Maybe
Is there a difference between
A human
An Animal
A Plant
The Land
The Earth
The Community
it’s an illusion
an attempt
To thwart death
To thwart the battle
we inevitably lose
a battle reinforced by bedtime stories
there is no battle
Without
there is only the battle
Within
have I done my part
to make my presence
worth the energy it took to make
me
have I supported the interconnected
webs of life
Is that a question
What is the meaning of death
What meaning do I assign
It
that is but one
Question
I ask
I ask it staring into the
Dead
stare of a lifeless body
a lifeless body
I abandoned
No matter how much I know
It wasn’t my fault
It’s always been my fault
right
Why was I abandoned
Why am I not good enough
it’s easier to believe it’s my fault
Why